Support a loved one who has a mental illness

Any medical condition can affect the person’s family as well as the patient. This is particularly true of conditions that affect mental health. Supporting a person with a mental illness requires knowledge of what they might find harmful or helpful.

We’ve collected some suggestions for supporting a loved one, but keep in mind that everyone is different. Ask your loved one how you can help them. Don’t interfere with their treatment plan if they are already seeing a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist.

Mental illness is a real medical condition

Only a doctor can diagnose mental illness. This is because different conditions have different signs and symptoms that only a trained professional can recognise. You can be helpful by taking emotional distress as seriously as pain.

For example, if someone you love has depression, you need to take their emotions as seriously as they’re felt. “A depressed person can’t just feel better,” notes Cassey Chambers from the South African Anxiety and Depression Group (SADAG). The same can be said for loved ones with other mental illnesses, such as bipolar disorder or anxiety. “Learn about the illness,” adds Chambers. “The more you know, the more you can help.”

Illness requires medical treatment

The stigma around mental illness can make it hard for those affected to reach out for help. They often feel ashamed and mistakenly believe they should be able to overcome their illness with willpower alone. You can help your loved one realise that professional help is needed and that they have a medical condition, and not a personal flaw or weakness.

Don’t be patronising or belittling

It can be frustrating to support a person with mental illness, especially if you feel they’re being unreasonable. This isn’t a reason to treat your loved one like a child. You may want to shelter your loved one from difficult family scenarios or potentially stressful situations. The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) says it’s important to keep social and community conversations as normal as possible.

“Don’t leave the person out of family discussions because you think that it would be less stressful for them if they’re not involved. Treat the person as normal as possible. Ask the person what they hope, fear, feel and need.”

Offer invisible assistance

You can offer support, just don’t draw attention to it, advises a study from the University of Alberta. “Efforts from a partner to help alleviate stress may prevent the development or worsening of mental health problems and, in fact, could help keep the relationship healthy,” says Matthew Johnson, relationships researcher and a professor in the university’s Faculty of Agricultural, Life and Environmental Sciences. “Studies suggest offering support your partner may not even be aware of, but would still be a helpful gesture, like taking care of a sink full of dirty dishes they haven't seen yet.”

Get out and about

Physical activity has antidepressant effects. One really good way of supporting someone with mental illness is to make sure they get moving. Being inactive may feel preferable for the person affected by a mental illness, but the best thing you can do is to go for regular walks together.

Get the professionals involved

If you suspect that a friend, colleague or family member has a mental illness, they should consult a medical professional. A family physician can assist in finding a psychiatrist and/or psychologist for the person who is mentally ill, or you can work through a community mental health centre in your area.