The past two years have been truly eventful for Dane and Melissa Esterhuizen. They involved a job change, an unexpected pregnancy while they were dating, the birth of twins, moving twice, and a wedding – in that order.
Dane (25) and Melissa (27) could not believe it when two heartbeats sounded on their ultrasound.
“I thought the doctor must have got it wrong. Melissa and I were speechless. Everything seemed to go quiet as the news sank in. We spent the rest of the day in a daze, and we were both excited and scared – and everything in between,” says Dane.
It had been a busy time as Dane had just started a new job in April 2018 as a design coordinator working at @home – the homeware store – a part of the Foschini Group. A few weeks later in June, his then girlfriend, Melissa, a textile designer, found out she was pregnant with their twins.
Riley (left) Alex (right) bonding at the age of six months
Telling the family
“Telling our parents and families was tough. One baby is one thing, and twins quite another. My uncle, who is also not married, has twins, which is possibly the reason my family started laughing. What else could they do?” asks Dane.
The couple moved in first with the one set of parents, and then with the other.
“One of our main challenges was financial. Buying two of everything turned out to be very expensive, and we worried about it. Staying with family helped a lot,” says Melissa. Also, as Melissa was not a medical scheme member, the couple had to foot the bill for the scans and doctors’ appointments, which added financial strain.
And, according to Dane, it was also tough for everyone concerned sharing living space with other people.
Riley (left) Alex (right) enjoying the sun at wine farm, Babylonstoren, at the age of seven months
The birth of the twins!
“Towards the end of the pregnancy, the pressure was immense. People started giving all sorts of advice on how to speed the arrival of the babies: this included taking a hot bath, rubbing castor oil onto Melissa’s stomach, doing fast walks around the house. Nature has its own timetable, though,” says Dane.
The twins were born at the Mowbray Maternity Hospital, a public sector specialised maternity hospital. The twins were registered on TFG Medical Aid Scheme as Dane’s dependants when they were born.
“Labour and childbirth are very different from what you see in the movies,” said Dane. “To begin with, it’s not a quick process. A first baby is unknown territory for new parents, and twins all the more so.
Melissa went into labour on the evening of 16 January 2019, and the twins were born on the afternoon of 17 January - 30 minutes apart. First Alex, and then Riley. Melissa had a vaginal birth and was advised against having an epidural, as it might have made the second baby’s birth tricky. She was also warned not to spend all her energy on getting the first baby out, but to keep some energy in reserve for the second one. The babies weighed about 2 kg each, and were healthy.
Riley experienced no complications but Alex gave them a scare. “I had Alex lying on my chest just after she was born, when she suddenly turned blue and stopped breathing. It was terrifying. The staff were great – they simply took over and restored her breathing and put her under a warm light. All was well, thank goodness,” added Dane.
In August 2019 Dane and Melissa got married, and shortly after that moved into a townhouse in Ottery on their own, after having lived with family members for a few months.
“We felt like we were really thrown in at the deep end,” said Melissa. “Having family who could help made a huge difference. Then, Dane and I became an instant family. It was a big transition for both of us. Riley also had colic for seven months, which was very difficult.”
Riley (left) and Alex (right) getting into the festive mood just before their first birthday
Melissa returns to work
Melissa returned to work when the twins were four months old. The twins went to crèche during the day.
“It was very tough to go back to work, but I am extremely fortunate in that my manager is very understanding. I am still breastfeeding, so I take a breast pump to work and express milk for the babies when I am away from them. It was difficult to make the transition from being a full-time mom, but the reality is that earning a living is part of what we have to do to look after the twins,” says Melissa.
“Alex and Riley compete with one another for our attention, which is sometimes difficult. Alex is the quieter one, and it is important for us to concentrate on splitting our attention equally between them. Positive behaviour also needs to be rewarded. Sometimes we just need to let them sort out their own differences, and bond with one another in their own way,” says Dane.
Alex and Riley turned 15 months old in April 2020, a month after the COVID-19 containment measures came into effect in South Africa. They are finding COVID-19-related containment measures a challenge.
“The twins have just started walking, and we have had to baby-proof every inch of our living space,” said Dane. “We can’t wait till we can take them outside again.”
They both agree that teamwork and family support are the two things that have pulled them through. Melissa adds: “Having family to help out makes such a huge difference. We would have struggled without our loved ones.”